ravan

Not a usual celebration for me, as I celebrate Samhain. But Sarah was Catholic, kinda sorta Celtic Catholic. So Today is more fitting to write their obituary. She used she/they pronouns, so I'm going to alternate what I use for them. Sorry if it's confusing.

Sarah Joan Hersha was born 6/1951 and died 7/2025. She was 74, and died after nearly 2 years of fighting the cancer - leiomyosarcoma - that ultimately took their life. Her first degree relatives - parents and brothers - all predeceased them. While she has nieces and nephews somewhere, their older half brothers had divorces and whatnot, and they all lost touch. Her parents were Basil and Sharoo Hersha, and yes, their mother's name is Sharoo, not Sharon. I met them both, and I swear her mother knew we were a couple before we really did.

Sarah went by SJ, for a multitude of reasons. Both of us worked in tech, which was, and still is, a very male dominated field. She at first got into databases, but when a piece of garbage called Access drive Paradox out of the market, they pivoted to doing macro development for small businesses People didn't want to hire an older female full time, even those she could work rings around the younger punks. Still, they loved computers, and tech, and she had lots of gadgets to play with. They also sewed, tried her hand at weaving, and enjoyed storytelling in a shared universe.

SJ also collected things like filk CDs, various other music CDs and DVDs, and books. Near the end, they read mostly on her tablet, but we still had a prodigious library together. Their tastes were eclectic, from things like Danny Kaye to Hu. She like Celtic Rock, Elvis, the Beatles, Viking Metal, Yanni, The Village People, Classical, Country, and a bunch of other stuff I've probably forgotten. About the only thing they didn't have a taste for was rap and other edge cases.

After the first chemo failed, and put her in the hospital for ten days, she was too weak to withstand the second best option chemo, and they knew it. We sought second opinions, and they all said the same thing - chemo to "shrink" the tumor, then surgery. But the tumor didn't shrink. Sarah elected to have home hospice, and live longer, than be killed by a longshot chemo that would realistically shorten her live and probably not succeed. So we had a year and a couple months to say goodbye. While cancer treatment has come a long way in the decades since her mother died of cancer in 1993, it hadn't come far enough. Sarah started treatment at over 200 pounds, and was maybe 125 when they died - a skeleton with a big lump in the abdomen. But at least she wasn't in any real pain - the hospice people made sure they had all the pain relief she wanted, which actually wasn't much.

Needless to say, I miss my spouse. They were a complicated person, with depths and dimensions that I can't even begin to touch here, but she was loved and cherished, even if only for a little while. They officially moved in with me in 1990, we got a DP in 2011, and got officially married in 2013.

...Has left the building.

SJ Hersha, aka Datawolf, died sometime between midnight last night and 11 this morning. The hospice nurse declared ToD to be 12:10 pm.

Our 12th anniversary would have been on the first of August. But we'd been together for decades. IIRC, they moved in with me full time in 1990. We met in late 1987, at a science fiction convention (Octocon, IIRC.)

I'm still pretty numb. This was the natural end to being on hospice for cancer. They died at home, not in pain. For the last day or so they weren't really here. The last words I said to them was that I loved them.

I don't know if/when the celebration of life will be.

I recently read two posts about fires in one day.

One, 5 people died in an apartment fire, and a friend of mine knew and cared for them. There was one survivor, injured also. The whole story was tragic, and shudder-worthy. This made me cry.

Another had a better ending. A friend who had just moved into her new house heard the commotion and called 911 for a fire at one of her new neighbors' house. She had already headed for bed.

The holidays and New Years are always a little more risky with fire, it seems. People get caught up in the season, and forget the risks.

Christmas trees top the list. Last year, I watched a video of a Christmas tree go up and engulf a living room in under a minute (it was a demo, no people). It still was shocking. Artificial trees may not have that nice pine smell, but they aren't tinder with ignition sources attached to them, either. If you have to have a "real" tree, keep it moist, and throw it out after New Years. Either type should have the lights on a switch and a timer. Don't leave tree lights on while you're out or asleep. Have a combo wood/electrical type fire extinguisher between the tree and the door.

New Years firecrackers are next. Don't play even with the "poppers" inside. Don't use them near people's wooden houses. I love pyrotechnics, don't get me wrong, but not near shake roofs, thank you. If you are set on playing with bang bangs, keep a fire extinguisher handy.

Fireplaces are third. Sure, they have brick casements and chimneys, but unless you keep stuff cleaned out, and the chimney swept, tar can build up and ignite. Plus, if you don't have a screen or grate, a slightly wet log can pop and launch sparks onto your carpet. Don't have a "roaring fire" unattended. A fire extinguisher is a great thing to have between the fireplace and the door.

Kitchens and heaters rate next. Don't use your oven to heat your house while you sleep. Don't use space heaters that can tip and ignite stuff, or go *krizz* and burn up while you're away. If you can see a red heat element or flame, don't leave it on when you're not in the room. Again, fire extinguishers are not just for garages. Smoke detectors can be useful if set properly in your kitchen, so that you know if grease catches fire.

Finally, I have to address smoking. I'm not going to preach at people to quit, either tobacco or 420. Hypocrisy isn't my thing. But try to smoke outside, with proper ashtrays. If you can't do outside, then don't do it in a bedroom or anywhere that you might fall asleep. If you doze off while watching TV, then stand up to smoke. Don't just sit it in an ashtray and let it burn (why waste the money, if nothing else.)

The long and short is, if you have anything flammable around, keep it away from sparks and other ignition sources. If you decide to burn it, do it in a safe place, in a safe manner, and with an awake, aware attendant with a fire extinguisher handy.

I probably should have made this post a month ago, although most all of you know this stuff.

Please, be careful, and be glad for the time you have your friends and family.

http://www.transworldnews.com/NewsStory.aspx?id=47897&cat=14
http://www.sfcrowsnest.com/news/arc/2008/nz12623.php

*sniffle*

This post is triggered by several unrelated posts, including one about an accidental death.

I've mourned at least 5 people in the past year, and over a dozen since 2000. Some died slowly, some instantly, some after a long and fruitless struggle to get effective treatment. Some I knew well, some were kin, some were friends of friends or acquaintances.

Some folks are very uncomfortable discussing mortality, either their own or someone else's. Not me, not anymore. ( Read more... )

My step-father, Bill, passed away today after a long illness. Again, his death was expected, and he lived far longer than the doctors anticipated, partly due to the persistant advocacy and care of my mother.

Bill was also a Lion, and by trade a carpenter. He had several kids from a previous marriage, and he made my mom happy.

So I'll tip a glass this New Year's to Bill. Rest in peace, you've led a full life, and made a difference in someone else's.