Occult Search Warrant Checklist--What's In Your Broom Closet?

[ravan]

Meme viked from lwood

Head on over to this mildly defunct Christian spiritual warfare site, and bold the things on it that you happen to have. Strike out if you don't have it, italicize your own commentary, if any. If you have something in that class, but not all of them, apply bold and strike to taste.

Note: Not all items here are strictly mine, but are in my house...

Search Warrant Checklist

Occult games (I Ching, ouija boards, tarot cards, crystal ball, fantasy role-playing games such as Dungeons and Dragons)

Take a household full of gamers...

Ashes from fire pits, including fireplaces and wood stoves

no, I haven't gotten desperate enough to make my own lye yet.

Robes and detachable hoods

What's the thing with detachable hoods? They just get lost

Gongs, drums and bells

Forgot to include the wind chimes, did they? Also other random music/noise makers.

Wooden stand for an altar, a marble slab or crosses

Actually, wooden table and/or cabinets, plus marble cutting board and a few crosses in my old jewelry box.

Chalice, goblet, cruet

They forgot the wine carafe.

Phallus (sculpture of the male sex organ)

They really need to explain what it is?? BTW, I assume dildos count.

Heavy wooden staff, sword, knives

They have something against the SCA??

Small velvet pillow, scarlet in color

I think my roomie who loves red has one...

Bullwhip, cat o'nine tails, ligatures

Unfortunately, I missed out on buying a Cat-5-O-Nine-Tails (professional) when they were still available.

Mirror

Dresser, bathroom, makeup case...

Animal mask, possibly papier mache

Crap like that gets broken in my house.

Black satin or velvet glove for the right hand

No, a satin or velvet glove on The Wandering Hand of Death™ would get trashed.

Large ruby ring, worn on the first finger of the right hand

See above

Flash powder, smoke bombs

I think we still have some around...

Incense

Yes, but I'm picky because I'm allergic to artificial (i.e. cheap) incense and perfume.

Body paint, face paint

Makeup, by any other word. I have it, even though I seldom wear it.

Metal crown with four candle holders

Ewwww!!

Ferns, palms

We have two fucking palm trees on the lot.

Human or animal bones (especially skull, long bones, finger bones)

No, but the odd wishbone hangs around.

Coffin

No, we all plan on cremation anyway.

Ritual books, black books, diaries (such as the Book of Shadows, which may be handwritten)

Windows 98 Black Book, random diaries, notebooks, composition books...

Medallions with satanic symbols

I've got a pentagram or six...

Occult jewelry

Egad, people, I used to make jewelry!

Small animals in cages

No, but my old roomie used to have a hamster...

Graph paper for fantasy games

Square, hex, triangles, plus whatever the printer will generate

Oddly shaped dice

Define "oddly". We have a nice selection of the standard gamer dice, thank you.

Horror masks and costumes

I've got a particulate filter mask, does that count?? Getting dust in your lungs *is* horrible.

Crystals

Salt, quartz, amethyst, ruby, leaded glass, and all sorts of semi-precious stones, plus various metals

Small metal figurines of mythological nature

Small, and not so small, plus stuffed dragons too.

Posters of mythological beings, animals, half-animals

Posters, prints, t-shirts...

Nightmarish posters

No, I throw out the Jesus pusher propaganda.

Sexual, particularly sado-masochistic, posters

Bode art is by its nature sexual

Posters of heavy metal and punk rock stars

Naah, I'm not into people worship.

Paraphernalia related to the martial arts - such as ninja costumes and throwing stars.

Just because we're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get us.

Comments

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Hm--you forgot to close a strike tag right around coffin.

-- L

[ravan.livejournal.com]

Fixored.

[lwood.livejournal.com]

grazie

-- Lorrie

[ebonypearl.livejournal.com]

I love that they have an ad for make-up on the site.

[siliconshaman.livejournal.com]

New "Blood of Christ" facial cream... washes away your sins AND your wrinkles too!

[fizzyland.livejournal.com]

Sigh. Pity there isn't a one-way time portal to Calvin's England for these chumps.

[sunfell.livejournal.com]

Dang. I have carbon, quartz, tourmaline, topaz, and flourite crystals. And the flourites make pretty cool 'oddly shaped dice'.

Yeesh.

:-)

[sunfell.livejournal.com]

Yikes! You could have warned me about the cheesy music with no 'off'-switch!

My checklist:




Search Warrant Checklist

Occult games (I Ching, ouija boards, tarot cards, crystal ball, fantasy role-playing games such as Dungeons and Dragons)

Ashes from fire pits, including fireplaces and wood stoves [I use my incense ashes to clean silver.]

Robes and detachable hoods [I have a coat with a detachable hood.]

Gongs, drums and bells

Wooden stand for an altar, a marble slab or crosses [I have an antique English armoire.]

Chalice, goblet, cruet [for my salads!]

Phallus (sculpture of the male sex organ)

Heavy wooden staff, sword, [steak] knives

Small velvet pillow, scarlet in color

Bullwhip, cat o'nine tails, ligatures [Geez- these people must be into BDSM or something...]

Mirror [in the bathroom]

Animal mask, possibly papier mache

Black satin or velvet glove for the right hand

Large ruby ring, worn on the first finger of the right hand

Flash powder, smoke bombs

Incense [Morningstar, my favorite Japanese brand]

Body paint, face paint

Metal crown with four candle holders

Ferns, palms

Human or animal bones (especially skull, long bones, finger bones)

Coffin

Ritual books, black books, diaries (such as the Book of Shadows, which may be handwritten)

Medallions with satanic symbols

Occult jewelry [My Ankh isn't 'occult'.]

Small animals in cages

Graph paper for fantasy games

Oddly shaped dice

Horror masks and costumes

Crystals [Tons. I live on top of a huge mountain of them.]

Small metal figurines of mythological nature

Posters of mythological beings, animals, half-animals

Nightmarish posters

Sexual, particularly sado-masochistic, posters

Posters of heavy metal and punk rock stars

Paraphernalia related to the martial arts - such as ninja costumes and throwing stars. [Gee, does my jo and hakama count? I used to practice Aikido.]

Yeesh. Sounds like a wannabe Goth's dorm room. No self-respecting adult would want to live in such a place!

cat o' nine..

[1ferritgurl.livejournal.com]

well, most floggers are taken from that.. tho i think one or more of my little floggers prolly has 9 tails..

[ertla.livejournal.com]

That flaming site hijacked my browser, wanting to upgrade quicktime.

Other than that, this list is hilarious. I might even post my own version, but many of you have me beat.