Hey, PoC?

[ravan]

If you're gonna accuse all white people of having "Mammy issues", and also of taking over any fight for rights, common decency, or whatever, then don't accuse me of being "passive-aggressive" and doing nothing when I fucking tell you "I know I personally don't do X, and don't give my money to it. Anything else, you're driving, what do you you want me to do?"

You know why? Because you are expecting me to be fucking psychic, and somehow mystically know how you want white people to help, and when we don't, you accuse us of some fucked up mammy shit. I never had a "mammy", or any other "help" when I grew up. I don't crave it now, either. Does not apply, sorry to disappoint you. I'm not your stereotypical white chick.

I'm doing what you have told me you want: Staying out of the drivers seat, because it's your fight, not mine.

I try to be sympathetic, but if I can't understand *why* some people treat others in some really fucked up ways, it's not because of "privilege", but because I don't treat people in those fucked up ways!

There's some things no one should have to put up with, I don't care their color, ability, gender, gender identity, religion, or any other artificial division we make in the definition of human. The fact that some jerks think those things exclude people from being human pisses me off, but I can't walk up and change them. Sorry to disillusion you. I can refuse to do it, support it or feed it. That's it, without some other inspiration from you, because I don't really have any other tools or knowledge at my disposal. I'm not rich and powerful.

So I will do my best to not step in your way, and I try to ask what you want.

But I'm really not into getting abuse for being born white, any more than you are into getting abuse for being non-white. I'm not going to assume what's best for you - that's fucking patronizing - and I'll thank you to not assume that I know how you want me to help.

I try to be understanding of experiences I've never had. But some shit I don't, and can't get my head around. Not just color issues, either, but lots of it dealing with breaches of common (to me) courtesy and respect. I don't condone it, either. But that's not good enough for some people.

BTW, this is in my blog, instead of someone else's, because this kind of piss and vinegar doesn't belong in somebody's "home" that isn't party to it.

Comments

[mdehners]

A big reason I don't "do" Activette crap anymore. Most European-descended folks were and are not rich, powerful and priveliged....any more than non-Euros are/were. Personally? I've reached the point that they(which pretty much means EVERYBODY) can call on my support once they've gotten their houses themselves in order....
Cheers,
Pat

[ravan]

Yeah, I am willing to help, but I don't have the resources to spend all my life atoning for what folks did.

Furthermore, I don't give the time of day to people who insist on spewing a stereotype at me of white people as rich, powerful, codependent, pseudo-helpless, and demanding. I spent too many grueling hours relearning how to walk, go to the bathroom, dress myself, cook, etc for that "mammy" shit to be anything but a gross insult.

[mdehners]

I know. A big "dagger" in the heart of my White Liberal Guilt came from Living and/or Working in largely non-White Neighborhoods in the 80's and 90's. In DC I was the only Nurse in my company to go into certain neighborhoods, yet somehow I was the Bad Guy because of my Skin Colour....
Usually I kept my cool but one time i got angry enough to point out that I had Ancestors that had Died because if a Slave died, it costed money but if an Irishman died, you didn't have to pay him.....
Truth,
Patrick Thomas Duffy

Acceptance of other races as friends

[jemyl]

We all bleed red. That is what your grandfather taught me, and what your dad and I tried to instill in you. Your great grandfather was a first generation Irishman who worked as a head caretaker on one of the large estates on Long Island (The Paddocks). That is where I, as a very young child, learned about tolerance and respect for people of color. Claude was the gardener and grew the most beautiful flower beds and all around the estate that I ever remember seeing. He was known to me as my "dark uncle Claude." Claude and Great Grandpa Tom were a team along with the stable help and housekeepers and cook. They kept the place running. There was no discrimination by color or gender on that team. They had each others' back to make sure everything went smoothly. Most of them, with maybe the exception of Claude and Great Grandpa Tom, and Great Grandma Anna a.k.a. "Hootin' Annie" lived in town. Great Grandpa and Great Grandma and Grandma Dutchy, known then as Ronnie, had a log cabin cottage at the top of the drive in what I suppose was the service area. As I remember it, that cabin had a screen front porch, a living room/dining room combination and two small bedrooms, one of those may have been in the attic dormers. There was also a step down kitchen where everybody liked to gather. The kitchen door opened out to the service area and the front door to the small screened porch and a very long flight of stairs down to the driveway. It looked out on a large grassy area that separated the big house from the road with a beach and Long Island Sound beyond the road. There were stables, a barn that was converted into another guest house, the big house, a gardener's shed and greenhouse and a dirt track road or path over a hill to the "back beach" which was on the other side of the sound and very private. It was quite a place, right next to Sagamore Hill, the home of Teddy Roosevelt and his family. There was not discrimination for the kids of all the help and the big house family. They all played together, including Teddy Roosevelt's kids.

There were white and colored bathrooms, drinking fountains and all in Indianapolis when I grew up there. The funny thing is we lived on the North side of Washington Park. Colored folk lived on the South side of Washington Park. All of the kids of both races met in the park and played together. For baseball or any other team game both races were needed to make even the minimum number of team members to be able to play.

In high school we had both black and white kids. One time, I had a party after some function for our whole class. A couple of the members were black and questioned the propriety of their coming to our house for the party. I told them they were included and wanted and what others thought was their problem. The party was for everyone, not just the white students. I can't remember if they came or not, but the fact that they were a bit afraid bothered me.

When I sold insurance for one of my debit companies here most of my clients were black folk. I became accepted by most neighborhoods and,indeed, was invited to come back after I was done for the night and sit around the fire in one neighborhood close to me. I did go back and it was a fun evening, though I left fairly early as I had a 9 am appointment the next day.

The most amazing thing to me when I first moved here was the great amount of interracial marriage and dating I found, much more than even in California. It gives me hope that on day we will all be fully integrated.

I friends from many races and of all colors. it is a bit harder here to just have a female black friend than it was out in California. For some reason plain friendship is accepted less than is dating and marriage. I guess sex makes the difference. LOL