Grandma

[ravan]

My mother called a couple days ago, while I was sleeping off some of the pain of the tooth. Grandma was due home from the nursing home around the first of March, and if I'm not working could I come down to Florida and stay with her for a while? She may have a bit of dementia, but she's not wandering or anything...

Urk. How long? How much assistance will she need? How will I pay my bills here? This kind of thing is seldom "short term". If I fly down there, I will have no car, and be dependant on my mother and her undermaintained vehicles, which I probably can't drive anyway (stick shift). One of the things I would need to do would be clean her place, which is a double wide trailer. Remember I'm handcrapped myself??

Yet I can't just ignore it, because my mom can't do it, and will fsck up grandmas finances worse than they already are if she tries. I may have to drive down there, just so I have transportation for me and grandma.

To afford it, I would have to cash out what little the downturn has left of my 401K, which started losing money in 1997, and just this last quarter showed an increase!! I'm going to be in tax trouble this year as it stands, and the penalty for 401k withdrawal is nasty (I had to do it once before - regular tax like income PLUS the 10% penalty.) This would give me maybe 6 months breathing room.

Yet, if it is neccessary, I'll do it. Family is family. Money goes farther in Florida, so I may move the mob down there if it looks like it will be long termish.

Needless to say, this would screw up any retraining program I got into...

Comments

[dubhain.livejournal.com]

Good luck.

I don't really know what more to say, but...good luck.

I took care of both my grandparents (only had one set) while they died of emphysema. It was a long, ugly process in which I tried to do the best for them I could and they fretted about being a burden to me. I think that, despite a few glaring moments of stupidity on my part, it was all very well done in the end.

One of the worst parts of the experience was watching two people I loved, admired and respected become completely different people, strangers, over a period of time due to medication and deterioration.

However, given the option of taking care of them or having them put into a 'home, I'll take the former. In the end I felt like I gave something back to them, in return for all they did for me over the years (raised me until I was eight, and much more after that). I gave them back the best gift I had to offer, and I'll never regret it, so long as I live.

You, of course, will do what you have to do. Poverty kept me from taking care of my grandfather anywhere near as well as I would've wished. Sometimes we just can't do, regardless of how much we'd like.

Do what you have to, ducks, and don't look back. Don't ask me how, but it will be will in the end. After all, no other alternative is acceptable....