Update # 8

[ravan]

The latest...

I've been to see N yesterday evening and again this morning. There seems to be no change. They were weaning her off of the Ventilator but about two this afternoon her respiration went up and they put her back in resting mode and will try again later.

I don't know if this is a setback or normal. I feel as if the ventilator is her current enemy and she needs to get away from that. When I see her in the hospital, sometimes she opens her eyes but I don't sense any recognition or even Her presence. It's almost a look of resignation.

Maybe I'm missing something.

Blessed be, G

Yes, G, you are. You forget about her story of the misplaced healing done for Randall Garrett, and the consequences. Most of her pagan friends "don't want to lose N". Many don't realize that her quality of life isn't, and the old N that I know and love would not want to "live" like this.

I have deliberately not done any healing work for her, except to work for whatever outcome is in *her* best interests, and defined by *her* wishes.

Damnit, G, let her die. That's what she's wanted for months now. You just won't hear it.

Comments

[lwood.livejournal.com]

Damnit, G, let her die. That's what she's wanted for months now. You just won't hear it.

... I didn't really want to say that, because I didn't know where you were on all of this. But... yes. I'd been thinking about Randall Garrett, too.

-- Lorrie

[ravan.livejournal.com]

She and I had talked quite a bit about this type of thing, back when I was about to go in for surgery. Neither of us liked the idea of just existing, not able to think, move, communicate, or even breathe without aid. There's a point where living is worse than dying, when there nothing that can realistically be done to restore any quality of life. She was close to there when she had the un-stroke.

I can't just come out and say this to G, because he will think it's because I don't want to have to help him care for her when they send her home (too soon) again. (I don't, but that is another issue - she should have been in a long term care facility the moment she had trouble transferring.) He has made no final exit plans, no burial plans, nothing.

When she's been lucid (before this latest hospital visit) she said that he wasn't willing to deal with it. Trying to get her to tell me what her plans/wishes were when she couldn't keep track of a conversation didn't work. I believe I recall that she wants cremation, but I don't know precisely how she will want her witchy stuff dealt with. I have a good idea, but I sure as hell wish she'd written it down when she was able to.

Drop me an email, will you, Lorrie?