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My elderly friend N apparently attempted suicide this afternoon. Her hubby G found her unresponsive in her wheelchair, and had her taken to the hospital, where she's on a ventilator. She has a "no heroic measures" thing, and she hadn't regained conciousness as of about 9 pm. G found some pills he didn't recognize on her desk, but it's hard to tell whether she OD'ed, or just had a stroke/heart attack.
I have very mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I would be losing a friend. On the other hand, the person I called friend was being morphed into a demanding, noxious, and nasty bitch, and it hurt. On one hand, her hubby would feel very guilty, as though he hadn't done "enough" for her (even though there was never enough.) On the other hand, the burden of care had been dumped on him (and whatever friends he could dragoon into putting up with her), by the hospital, *repeatedly*, and he was burning out.
Kaiser Hospital, of course, couldn't give a rats ass. N is/was in a lot of pain and discomfort, has/had a lot of mental decline (which really upset her when she had more lucid moments). She was occasionally abusing her pain meds, in part because she couldn't remember what she'd taken, and she was developing tolerance. She could barely transfer from her wheelchair to her potti, couldn't bathe herself, and both of her hands would occasionally start to be unresponsive. She would lose track of what she was saying regularly, and try to cover it by being obnoxious.
When someone is ill, and has no likelihood of recovery, I feel it is their right to "check out" if they want to. I won't help, but I won't go to lengths to stop them either. I won't play the "I'm gonna threaten suicide, so you can get all upset and try desperately to talk me out of it" drama game, either. My response is "I wish you wouldn't, but it *is* your life." - period.
Suicide is the ultimate in self determination - for good or ill. It upsets the JCI types no end. It is also a really nasty thing to do to your friends and family - unless you're dying anyway.
I have very mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I would be losing a friend. On the other hand, the person I called friend was being morphed into a demanding, noxious, and nasty bitch, and it hurt. On one hand, her hubby would feel very guilty, as though he hadn't done "enough" for her (even though there was never enough.) On the other hand, the burden of care had been dumped on him (and whatever friends he could dragoon into putting up with her), by the hospital, *repeatedly*, and he was burning out.
Kaiser Hospital, of course, couldn't give a rats ass. N is/was in a lot of pain and discomfort, has/had a lot of mental decline (which really upset her when she had more lucid moments). She was occasionally abusing her pain meds, in part because she couldn't remember what she'd taken, and she was developing tolerance. She could barely transfer from her wheelchair to her potti, couldn't bathe herself, and both of her hands would occasionally start to be unresponsive. She would lose track of what she was saying regularly, and try to cover it by being obnoxious.
When someone is ill, and has no likelihood of recovery, I feel it is their right to "check out" if they want to. I won't help, but I won't go to lengths to stop them either. I won't play the "I'm gonna threaten suicide, so you can get all upset and try desperately to talk me out of it" drama game, either. My response is "I wish you wouldn't, but it *is* your life." - period.
Suicide is the ultimate in self determination - for good or ill. It upsets the JCI types no end. It is also a really nasty thing to do to your friends and family - unless you're dying anyway.
