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My disabled friends may not like this, but it is reality: the world does not give you a "get out of consequences free" card just because you're disabled. You can scream, cry, and whine that it's "not fair", but it is reality.
The thing is, I'm disabled. I have some visible disabilities, and some hidden ones, and possibly some "mental" ones that just weren't labeled, categorized and coddled when I was growing up.
This is brought on by a "debate" I'm in in another journal, where the poster essentially said, "you shouldn't criticize a parent because their kid might be autistic and having a meltdown, and the kid shouldn't have to get removed from a public place because they can't help that they're disabled and can't behave themselves. You have no right to criticise any parent because they might have a hard job and your feelings don't count, only the kid does."
I cry "bullshit!".
This, to me, is like my entering a 1 mile Olympic foot race and then complaining when I lose that "I couldn't run because I am disabled, but I should be accommodated and win as if I was the best runner there."
You see, reality, and other people could care less "why" the brat is having a meltdown. It is the parents responsibility to judge the kids' tolerance for being out in public, and to remove them from disturbing the peace when they lose it.
For example, I hate crowds. I can become quite vicious and abusive if I am forced to stay in a crowd situation past my tolerance point. This is caused by my disability, or specifically the stroke that caused it. Do I insist that I have the "right" to stay in the crowd, and that the crowd must "tolerate" me when I start yelling, swearing, and smacking people with my cane? Hell no!! I leave, and go someplace where I can be alone. It's called maturity, and knowing my limitations.
A parent is supposed to be mature, and teach their kid to know their own limitations. This means removing an autistic kid from an overstimulating environment when they have a meltdown, for both the kids' sake, and the peace and consideration of the bystanders. This teaches the kid that the appropriate response to overstimulation is to leave, not to abuse the other people.
I can't start to "dash across" a busy street in the middle of a block, only to be brought up short by the fact that I can't dash, and expect that all traffic will miraculously stop as I stumble across. If I was lucky, the drivers wouldn't hit me, but they certainly would be well within their rights to vehemently criticise me for being an asshole and an idiot!! Plus, I would deserve the criticism, in spite of my disability!
Part of learning to live with a disability, either physical or mental, is learning to live with your limits. Physically I can't climb vertical ladders, and while I may grouse that I can't, unless there's somewhere that I *have* to go that requires a vertical ladder, I do not have the right to demand that all vertical ladders be replaced and banned. They aren't public accommodations in nearly all cases, and you can usually find someone who can climb them to do what needs to be done. So I'm not being stopped from things I *need* to do.
I have a temper problem - have had since I was a kid. They would probably label it ODD today. This does not exempt me from getting fired if I lose it in a big way at work, and explode all over a coworker or a customer. The other person has rights, too, you see, and they are not obligated to accommodate my temper problem at the expense of their own peace, safety, and comfort. This is one reason that I don't work retail. I tried it, briefly, once and I can't deal with the people. I don't demand that people in a store "accommodate" the asshattery that results from my inability to cope with being a greeter or a clerk, I just don't do that kind of work.
The same thing goes for misbehaving kids, regardless of the reason, or how hard their parents struggle is. Other people are not obligated to accommodate asshattery and abuse. Members of the public, or establishment owners, aren't required to accommodate, appreciate, or tolerate screaming, hitting, destruction of property, and shit, piss, slobber and vomit on merchandise that they might have wanted to buy. It doesn't matter whether the misbehavior is done by a child or an adult, a disabled person or a "normal" person, or anything else.
Your, and your kids, right to be an asshole stops when someone else's personal space begins. In public, that means wherever people are or might be, or might need to come in contact with. In your own house, it's up to you. It doesn't matter to me why you are an ass. If you are an obnoxious, peace disturbing and/or property damaging ass in a public place, I have the right to criticise, complain, and even try to have you removed. You don't like it? Tough. The world does not have to bow down before you because you are a parent, a kid, or a person with a social disability.
If you're a parent, part of the job you took on when you had a kid is to try to teach that kid how to behave in public. Part of doing so is making sure that they know there are consequences for not doing so. When I was a kid, if I had a meltdown, tantrum, or other type of behavioral problem in a public place, my mother either punished me, removed me from the public place, or both. She was a parent, and it was her job.
The thing is, I'm disabled. I have some visible disabilities, and some hidden ones, and possibly some "mental" ones that just weren't labeled, categorized and coddled when I was growing up.
This is brought on by a "debate" I'm in in another journal, where the poster essentially said, "you shouldn't criticize a parent because their kid might be autistic and having a meltdown, and the kid shouldn't have to get removed from a public place because they can't help that they're disabled and can't behave themselves. You have no right to criticise any parent because they might have a hard job and your feelings don't count, only the kid does."
I cry "bullshit!".
This, to me, is like my entering a 1 mile Olympic foot race and then complaining when I lose that "I couldn't run because I am disabled, but I should be accommodated and win as if I was the best runner there."
You see, reality, and other people could care less "why" the brat is having a meltdown. It is the parents responsibility to judge the kids' tolerance for being out in public, and to remove them from disturbing the peace when they lose it.
For example, I hate crowds. I can become quite vicious and abusive if I am forced to stay in a crowd situation past my tolerance point. This is caused by my disability, or specifically the stroke that caused it. Do I insist that I have the "right" to stay in the crowd, and that the crowd must "tolerate" me when I start yelling, swearing, and smacking people with my cane? Hell no!! I leave, and go someplace where I can be alone. It's called maturity, and knowing my limitations.
A parent is supposed to be mature, and teach their kid to know their own limitations. This means removing an autistic kid from an overstimulating environment when they have a meltdown, for both the kids' sake, and the peace and consideration of the bystanders. This teaches the kid that the appropriate response to overstimulation is to leave, not to abuse the other people.
I can't start to "dash across" a busy street in the middle of a block, only to be brought up short by the fact that I can't dash, and expect that all traffic will miraculously stop as I stumble across. If I was lucky, the drivers wouldn't hit me, but they certainly would be well within their rights to vehemently criticise me for being an asshole and an idiot!! Plus, I would deserve the criticism, in spite of my disability!
Part of learning to live with a disability, either physical or mental, is learning to live with your limits. Physically I can't climb vertical ladders, and while I may grouse that I can't, unless there's somewhere that I *have* to go that requires a vertical ladder, I do not have the right to demand that all vertical ladders be replaced and banned. They aren't public accommodations in nearly all cases, and you can usually find someone who can climb them to do what needs to be done. So I'm not being stopped from things I *need* to do.
I have a temper problem - have had since I was a kid. They would probably label it ODD today. This does not exempt me from getting fired if I lose it in a big way at work, and explode all over a coworker or a customer. The other person has rights, too, you see, and they are not obligated to accommodate my temper problem at the expense of their own peace, safety, and comfort. This is one reason that I don't work retail. I tried it, briefly, once and I can't deal with the people. I don't demand that people in a store "accommodate" the asshattery that results from my inability to cope with being a greeter or a clerk, I just don't do that kind of work.
The same thing goes for misbehaving kids, regardless of the reason, or how hard their parents struggle is. Other people are not obligated to accommodate asshattery and abuse. Members of the public, or establishment owners, aren't required to accommodate, appreciate, or tolerate screaming, hitting, destruction of property, and shit, piss, slobber and vomit on merchandise that they might have wanted to buy. It doesn't matter whether the misbehavior is done by a child or an adult, a disabled person or a "normal" person, or anything else.
Your, and your kids, right to be an asshole stops when someone else's personal space begins. In public, that means wherever people are or might be, or might need to come in contact with. In your own house, it's up to you. It doesn't matter to me why you are an ass. If you are an obnoxious, peace disturbing and/or property damaging ass in a public place, I have the right to criticise, complain, and even try to have you removed. You don't like it? Tough. The world does not have to bow down before you because you are a parent, a kid, or a person with a social disability.
If you're a parent, part of the job you took on when you had a kid is to try to teach that kid how to behave in public. Part of doing so is making sure that they know there are consequences for not doing so. When I was a kid, if I had a meltdown, tantrum, or other type of behavioral problem in a public place, my mother either punished me, removed me from the public place, or both. She was a parent, and it was her job.
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From:
no subject
I am an adult w/ ADHD, combined type. I coped well, but when my problems w/time management threatened my job, instead of screaming about "rights," I did what I needed to do- sought treatment. I'm not causing problems at work anymore, and it makde me feel more in control to be able to beat that one little thing.
ADHD can be used as an excuse, but on occasion, its legit. I'm 42, formally diagnosed this year; my mom was 71 when diagnosed a year ago.