On Abuse Within Community/Subcultures

[ravan]

In another post on someone else's journal, mac posted this link: The Revolution Starts at Home: Confronting Intimate Violence Within Activist Communities. It mentions a book that I currently can't afford to order, but also has a link to an excellent PDF of the zine version.

It is an intense read, but very valuable, IMO. So far I'm only a third of the way through it. One takeaway I have is something I knew at a gut level, but didn't really follow all the way through: Just because a person is an activist doesn't mean they automatically are not capable of being an abuser.

I know, peripherally, of incidents in various subcultures/communities I'm involved in that are not pretty. What I hadn't really internalized is how much it happens, but is ignored *within the community*. Sure, the outside will take a hint and make it a federal case, but ignoring it within isn't the solution either.

BTW, for those who wonder why I am bothering with any of this, since it's not my fight? Because I can. Because if someone hates me because of what I say on the net, it wouldn't be the first time. Because I have this obnoxious tendency to ask "Oh, really?" and be a bit sparing with my trust and credence. Not everyone whose journal I follow do I like or trust, either.

I'm sorry if I don't conform to your idea of what a pagan/feminist/queer/gimp/fan should be like. I'm not trying to please you or conform, and pushing me to do so just gets my back up and me being contrary. Call it crazy if you like.

But if I can inspire someone to think past their knee-jerk, then it's worth it.

That's why I've chosen to highlight this link/document - because it has made *me* think.

Comments

Re: I get angry

[jemyl]

After receiving a bunch of their anonymous ire, I went back over everything. I see why moofable wanted to out her for the rape. He wanted to legitimately complain about her actions and warn others. I don't know of any better way to do that for an online community. I don't think he wanted all the pile on. Also, while I can understand and agree with his exposing her actions and asking that she not be given accolades as a great feminist, I still don't think that the piling on is right. I don't see that Jack asked for that either.

One of the things that they have against you is your using the gender neutral pronouns when talking about trans gendered people. They got onto me for that as well. I didn't realize that it was an insult to use them. I would think it would be considered a compliment, and apparently it is definitely not.

With some of that fandom communtiy, anyone who is not in exactly the same situation cannot in any way understand it. Nor is anyone not in that exact situation qualified to comment. If you read the comments in my LJ journal you will see the whole overkill response. Let us just say it was an enlightening experience for me. The level of distrust evident in a supposedly open community is one thing that surprised me the most.

You know how open I am on the net, with my experiences as well as my feelings. I was told that I didn't understand how people were open and shared their feelings in the LJ community. If they only knew! Anyway, I have changed my mind and my position that Jack should not have outed Kynn for the rape. I still believe that the piling on and trial by Internet is wrong, but really don't know of any other way for Jack and Alexandraerin to warn people that Kynn did rape and doesn't live her life the way she talks as a feminist. He didn't ask people to punish her, just said that he didn't think she should be getting accolades as a feminist when she lived her life as she did and, apparently, still does. After really looking at what HE said, not what others piled on, and what Kynn said in her tweets et al I had to agree with him, but not with the others who piled on.

Anyway, it looks like Jack accomplished his goal and others are taking the warning to heart and treading carefully where Kynn is concerned, instead of taking all she says as gospel. Apparently she has a history of not treating others well. It looks like a lot of the SF fandom community and online community are wary of her too, judging by the number of commenters to my posts who chose to remain anonymous. Obviously they are not afraid of you or of me. That kind of leaves only one person they fear to have know they are commenting about or criticizing her. How sad!

Your sister keeps pushing me to get the grant done. You can imagine the effect that has on my progress. I do NOT like to be pushed. Thank you for not so doing. Her heart is in the right place, but darn if she doesn't piss me off when she tries to mother me ----and I know that is not at all how she means it. It's just how it hits me. (I may actually get the damned thing done in the next week or so, fine print and all --why they use 4 pt type on an application [fine print, I guess] is beyond me.) Love to you and data-pard, Fuzzy too -- Mamasan

Re: I get angry

[ravan]

So, about the gender neutral pronouns: No slam on trans folks at all, but I wanted to address meta issues, not get wrapped up in male, female, gender identity, and what's OK for guys isn't for gals, etc. Yes, I wanted to take the trans issue out - because I didn't think that there is one set of rules for cis and another set for trans, or one set of rules for gay, another for straight, and yet a third for bi. I wanted it to be ambiguous whether A, B and C were all male, all female, or some other mix - because a person's gender shouldn't damn matter when it comes to abuse.

If the whining trans community wants to whinge about having neutral pronouns used, they need to realize that the world is really not all about them. It's up to you what you want to call yourself, who you want to love, not me. I use neutral pronouns to describe cis, gay or bi relationships too, because I don't regard them as privileged.

I actually support what Jack has said, but I don't trust alexandraerin not to have her own agenda. She's the one who took it to trial by net, IMO.

Kynn has to live in her own head. I don't think I'd wish that on anyone.