Fury!

[ravan]

So, one of the people I happen to like and respect has decided that childfree is full of sick people. To the view of them and their buddies, all CF people are the same, and most of them are psychologically deviant in some way.

I've seen more stereotyping of the childfree (and childfree) in the last two hours than I usually encounter in two years. "Born at 21, never a child", "frozen at 14", "bigotry and self-involvement", "like the pro-ana communities: a support group for sick people who wish to stay sick", "people who hate children hate themselves", ad nauseum. By people who are supposedly tolerant of different lifestyles! Well, I can see that tolerance only happens when it's their little deviation from the "american dream" life script, not mine.

I don't dislike parents, or their kids. However, I can't stand brats, screamers, and kids who trash or foul their surroundings. I didn't even like most kids when I was one! But I guess that makes me some sort of twisted fuck who is "sick and wants to stay sick". Oh, gee, thanks for the enlightening idea. I guess I'll go get knocked up so I can be considered "normal" and "healthy".

I guess criticising poor parenting by the stupid is now "making fun of the disabled", and not offering some twit who spouts nothing but screwed up rationalizations "help" means I lack "empathy, mercy, and basic human decency". It's a bad thing to point out when other people are damaging their kids, and criticize it publically. I guess it might hurt their widdle self esteem. But it's ok to slam and denigrate people who've chosen not to have children, huh? They're just sick people who wish to remain sick, so it's OK to insult and offend them!

Thanks a lot - I guess when the rubber meets the road, tolerance for others and their choices is really a pipe dream, huh?

Fuck that.

Edit: and now the bingo starts "you're not a parent, you don't know".

Double fuck that.

Edit: And now the person has unfriended me, and I can't read the entry in question, or respond to the slams and smears. Nevermind that I was trying my best to be polite - after all, it was someone elses journal. That's why I pulled my rant into my journal, trying to get the heat out of theirs.

I guess I'm not part of the right oppressed minority, so I don't have to be tolerated. The lesson: it's OK to criticize someone, make fun of someone, call them "sick" and "bigoted" and every other form of insult, deride their lifestyle as selfish and self-centered and wrong, as long as their "difference" is chosing not to have children. Gay, fine; bi, fine; tranny, fine; disabled, fine; autistic, fine; pagan, fine; asexual, fine; christian, fine; atheist, fine; but never, never, never, NEVER admit to being childFREE, as opposed to childLESS, and daring to have an opinion on another random person's sacred and inviolate excuse for parenting - since if you aren't a parent, you can't possibly know *anything* about kids.

Well, fuck you - you know who you are.

Comments

After reading your comment on the "Public Place"

[jemyl.livejournal.com]

s far as the hypothetical ADD/ODD mother is concerned, well, I'm borderline ADD (as in they wanted to drug me with ritalin)

OH? When did anyone want to drug you with ritalin? Not when you were a child! ADD was never discussed regarding you. The problem was anger management and sibling rivalry/jealousy on your part. A child who can and does spend an hour or more focused on reading one book is not generally considered to be ADHT. The one teacher who tried to say you were hyperactive was informed by your parents that if she would allow you to have recess instead of keeping you cooped up in a study carousel or on the floor in one position and on only one task all day, you would be no problem. Indeed, the following year, in third grade, a teacher who used positive reinforcement, behavior modification and mild removal to aid you in learning self-control, showed the whole school that it was the teacher and not the student who was a problem in second grade. For some unknown reason you decided that your parents had a second child because they didn't want you. I happen to think it was because your sibling was quite ill and needed extra attention for the first year of her life. At the same time your father was required to work lots of overtime hours in order to complete an overload of work at his job. This left your mother to pretty much handle both a sick, often screaming baby and a sweet, but confused and often angry little three and four year old, all on her own. You had been the total focus of her attention for three years. It must have been very hard for you when she paid more attention to your sister's screams of pain than to your request for a story. I mean, how does one explain to a three-year-old that the landlord's wife has threatened to call the cops or put us on the street if we can't keep the children (translation screaming baby) more quiet, particularly at night? With that introduction to babies, I don't blame you for not wanting any.

Edit ---added here

It has taken me a long time to figure out what the catalyzing event could have been which made you such an agry child. When in the middle of trying to juggle all of the doctor's appointments for the new baby, plus my own and buying a house and moving, it never occurred to me that you might see what was happening as preferential treatment for your younger sister. Now it is crystal clear, especially after visiting her and your niece and nephews for a day recently. Three year olds want it NOW and you were denied much NOW at that age what with my pregancy, the measles, and Boo having both a prolapsed rectum and leg problems for the first year of her life. I can only say now, much too late I am sure, that I am so very sorry. I have always loved you dearly, equally as much as your sister, still do. Choosing to even have you was a very conscious choice. You were wanted and loved from the very first moment, by both your dad and me. When we paired up with you kids, you usually got paired with your dad because we thought you wanted it that way and wanted to be an engineer like him. >sigh< Just know that I love you and sometimes, as a parent, the choices one has to make are not easy and there is often no right one, i.e. choice where no one might get hurt.

Re: After reading your comment on the "Public Place"

[ravan.livejournal.com]

OH? When did anyone want to drug you with ritalin? Not when you were a child! ADD was never discussed regarding you.

I believe it was in my medical records that I found the recommendation for Ritalin. I'd have to check again.

Re: After reading your comment on the "Public Place"

[jemyl.livejournal.com]

If so it was after Dad and I divorced. It was suggested that you might be ADD, well, hyperactive. I said I thought that was kind of strange since you could sit for hours reading a book, even at a young age. I also told the school that anyone who expected a seven year old to sit for four hours without moving about and on the same task ought to be the one to have their head examined or, at the very least, be sent to a course in childhood development. I have seen and worked sith ADD kids and believe me when I say, you were not one. Problems with anger management and emotional control, yes, but that is not the same as ADD.

The recommendation for Ritalin may have been there when you were in college and having headaches and the like. I don't know as I didn't take you to the doctor then. I think that Ritalin is way overused and used as a crutch for too many children. There are A FEW who really need it. For the rest it is just a way to control them without having to teach them self-control. A bit less Ritalin might lead to more mature and responsible young adults and less recreational drug abuse and also less prescription drug abuse. That is my opinion. Meds are great for some conditions, and I think that they should be a very last resort where children and teens are concerned. I prefer behavior modification and positive reinforcement as ways to raise self-esteem over falsely raising it with drugs, particularly for children and teens. It is a little different with adults and with those who are aflicted with certain diseases, diabetes being one of them, which have mood swings as a side effect. Even then I believe in using the lowest possible dose to accomplish some evening of the mood swings. Such should also be combined with education to teach the person coping skills. Unless the patient takes responsibility for their actions and learns some self control and mood modification skills, the long term outcome is incrasing dependency on drugs and others which I think is not a good thing.